Self-Care Habits to Use this Fall

So this summer was a unique one for me. I made a commitment to myself:

1. I was not going to take any travel work projects

2. I would commit to taking better care of myself

3. I would spend more quality time with Autumn.

If I were to rate myself on a scale of 1 to 10 on how well I achieved this goal I would have initially given myself a 4.

But I would give myself a 4 and feel happy about it. I might even give myself a 3 1/2 and feel happy about it.  Even though it wasn’t exactly what I envisioned, my attitude improved about what I DID make happen.  

Typically, I would create a scenario where I would only focus on everything I should or should not have done instead of allowing myself to feel good about what I HAD done well.  And when I do that, it sends me into a spiraling story that ends in the space between guilt and shame.

However, this summer I stayed focused on how I could create more of what I wanted. Because I was focusing on that, my brain somehow let go of what I didn’t do well.

And here are a few tricks that helped me at least make some of it happen. These are the ones I plan to keep now that the summer is over:

1. Create Calendar Commitments: I started putting time for what I wanted to focus on in my calendar (as if it were a meeting) BEFORE letting it fill up with my many obligations to others - clients, friends, extended family, or even my own family.

   1. I literally put a calendar entry in my calendar for “April happy heart” time. This summer I was able to create 4 whole days of this. I originally wanted to do that every week but what a gift it was to have several full days where I woke up and did what my heart wanted.

   2. Now don’t get me wrong, usually about the time I was about to embark on my dreamland to do what April wants, I would inevitably get bombarded with something urgent or a fire to put out, or my computer breaking etc.

   3. So not every “full day” was dedicated completely to “April’s happy heart” but even so, I found that if I would honor the calendar commitment I made to myself, at least some space would get set aside for that purpose.

2. Little to No Pre-Planning: Ok, so now that I had a “calendar commitment”, I felt like I needed a “plan” to ensure it was fruitful. But then, planning “free time” felt somewhat ironic. What I learned is that the biggest value of having space for myself was that I was able to get out of my normal planning mode. Instead, I:

   1. Created a “bucket list” of passions, interests, and other things I would like to do on Trello so that when my free time started, at least I wasn’t racking my brain for “what do I do now?” (ok, so maybe that counts as some planning….)

   2. On the day of my commitment to self, I would wake up, look at my Trello list and pick something that felt good in that moment.

   3. To be honest, one of my favorite ways to spend my time was to simply “rest” – I had, up until this summer, devalued the beauty and benefits of resting.

3. Protect My Time: It’s surprising how much I (up until now) tend to value everyone else’s time over my own. I don’t know if it’s because I was taught to “put others before yourself” or if it has to do with my strength of Empathy . Who knows but regardless, I am learning that I can show up for other’s needs in a healthier way if I allow myself to have time for me. I love the way Jordan Gray puts it here. So, I am seeing the value of:

   1. Saying “no”

   2. Staying focused on my goals

   3. Treating myself like I would my clients - protecting my time as if I had a very important meeting with someone that I couldn’t miss.

4. Take more Epson salt baths. This may sound ridiculous or overly simple, but the beauty of a bath is not to be overlooked! I got to where I was taking a bath almost 5 nights a week. It feels so indulgent and yet it really doesn’t take much to make that happen. For me, the key is to:

   1. Wait until Autumn goes down, then lock my bathroom door

   2. Put in 4 cups of Epson salt

   3. 8 drops of Serenity doterra oil

   4. Light five white candles

   5. Turn the lights off.

   6. Maybe listen to an audio book or soothing music (here are the 5 books on my Audible play list now)

      1. Girl Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are So You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be

      2. The Art of Empathy

      3. Kick Ass with Mel Robbins

      4. Big Magic

So, here’s the most interesting part.  The reason I initially gave myself a 4 is because I didn’t feel good about my time with Autumn.  It felt harder for me to define or qualify what was “quality time” with Autumn.

Yes, we vacationed together. Yes, we got a handful of lazy mornings together. But honestly, there were lots of camps, lots of spur of the moment changes in plans, lots of her getting to socialize and be with her friends

That was all great – but how much did that count as quality time with me? 

I had separated quality time with myself from quality time with her. I was “measuring”, “calculating”, “analyzing” my time with her.

It wasn’t until one night the week before school started that something shifted in the way I was thinking about my time with her.  I would call it a magical moment.  When putting her to bed, I had this moment where I just laid there, noticing her beauty and listening to her as if for the first time.  I suddenly had this feeling that nothing else mattered except this moment with us.  It was like time stopped. 

And suddenly, I really got how the time with me “filling my cup” really DID translate to the connection with her. 

I saw that time with me = more capacity to be with her.  Can I hashtag that? - don’t know if you’re supposed to do that with a blog. #timewithmeequalsmorecapacitywithher. 

Instead of anxiously worrying about whether I was doing “good enough” and being a mom who could measure up, I shifted into a space of just being grateful for the moment I had with her. 

And with that gratitude, I saw that the act of analyzing and measuring my “effectiveness as a mom” was actually taking me away from the very thing I was trying to create with her.  Special moments.

So, maybe I’ll give myself a 10!

Road Stories on how Married Couples go into Business Together Lesson #3

Working for my wife has its challenges. In my last blog I talked about how it’s particularly fun when you quickly discover that your new role involves knowing the subtleties of what and how your wife likes her coffee. You will be getting a lot of that for her until you figure out how to bring in some bacon.

What’s positive about being married and working together is the flexibility. Although things get crazy at times and the ride is much less predictable, there is more flexibility in scheduling time off. Gone are the days when I had to disappoint her with the response that I can’t take an opportunistic four-day weekend, because I’ve used my corporate accrual allotment of vacation year-to-date. Like a lot of corporate terms, it’s hard to know what that means exactly but it’s safe to say that you’re screwed.   

I’m learning to be more grateful for the times that we can sneak away.

So, in this post I wanted to simply make that point, and share some photos I took of our trip we took to Cancun for her “birthday week”. Thank you, Marriott reward points!

Enjoy!

Boy that water is a pretty blue.

And the sunsets are stunning above the sea

April was pretty darn relaxed

And able to spend quality time with Autumn

My daughter thinks she is Moana

And did her happy dance every day of the trip

April’s perspective:

When can I go back?

What do Teenagers and the QRCA Conference have in Common?

 I recently had the opportunity to attend my first Qualitative Researcher Consultants Association (QRCA) annual conference. I don’t typically consider myself the conference type but I thought this would be a great opportunity to meet people in our industry and learn about the hottest trends. In these situations I usually find myself being overly skeptical thinking I won’t learn as much as I hope to or make connections that will be beneficial to our business. The fact that my boss (April) was also attending made me feel slightly better about sitting in a room full of strangers that I would soon need to be friends with. 

The primary purpose of me attending the conference was to assist April as she gave a presentation to her peers; however, I ended up walking away feeling like I got much more value out of the experience than I expected. April’s presentation (A Framework That Works: Design Thinking + Montessori Principles to Elevate Your Practice) went off without a hitch – which immediately made months of hard work seem like one of the most rewarding tasks we completed last year. You never know how people will react to new material and the moment you see the excitement and passion in the faces, it makes it worth every revision we made.

What surprised me most about April’s presentation was how engaged the participants were. When you’ve been reviewing the content for 5+ months leading up to the conference, it’s easy to forget that this content is new for most viewers. During the presentation, she conducted a Design Thinking exercise that required participants to partner up and “build” a prototype of their idea. I was amazed at how serious some took this exercise but loved their willingness to engage with a stranger as they learned about the Design Thinking process. I think it made the awkward “eh, I have to work with someone I don’t know” situation fun and entertaining for most.  

Another highlight of the conference was the Keynote Presentation – Teen Press: A Wild and Precious Perspective – given by John Boettner & Friends. This was an unforgettable experience that brought a unique perspective to the work we do and the world we live in. John, the Chief Enchantment Officer of Teen Press, discussed how he turned a middle school communications class into a group of teenagers interviewing some of the hottest celebrities on red carpets. Not only did they engage with celebrities (Jennifer Lawrence, Oprah, Clint Eastwood to name a few) but they also interviewed some of the most interesting living Americans (for example, the commander of the Osama Bin Laden mission, a woman who held President Obama’s hand across the bridge in Selma, and a young Rwandan who lost his hands to genocide). 

Teen Press teaches kids how to listen to peoples’ stories and ask honest questions – although they’re sometimes difficult to ask and answer. By pushing the kids to conduct pre-interview research, they entered their interviews with a sense of confidence that many times shocked the respondent and made them more likely to engage. This program inspires kids to think: “if I can talk to the CEO of Patagonia, I can do anything”. John’s presentation was such a welcomed breath of fresh air in the world we’re currently living in. These kids don’t care who voted red or blue, they just want to know about people and what makes them different. The kids weren’t there to judge the interviewee, and the interviewee wasn’t there to judge the kids. They were both there to learn. These kids are so admirable for their dedication and openness to learning about others. Something I strive to do myself – in and out of research. Who knew you could learn so much from kids?

Here is a short clip on Teen Press, but if you have some extra time I highly recommend watching the full Teen Press video (~30 minutes) to get the full experience of how great these kids and this program is. 

So while I still don’t consider myself the conference type, I’m so glad I attended. I walked away with a perspective I wasn’t expecting – if you go into these “uncomfortable” situations with an open mind, you are much more likely to learn more than you initially thought and meet some really interesting people. I guess sitting with strangers isn’t so bad after all. 

Why Mashups are Culinary Genius

We all know (and many love) Taco Bell’s Doritos Loco Tacos. I mean, they combined the awesomeness of Doritos with the goodness of a Taco Bell taco – what’s not to love? As a marketing research firm, this is exactly the kind of new product development project we loved working on.  

Equally exciting is getting to test the newer, limited-time offer “mash up” at Burger King - Mac n’ Cheetos.

These mash ups also create conversation. Although I’m not personally a huge mac n’ cheese fan, when I heard about this product, I immediately wanted to try it just so I could tell others about it. A newly discovered “mash up” makes you want to share your experience with others. There are well over  7,000+ #macncheetos instagram posts. 

Since we worked on Doritos Locos Tacos  in 2012, it seems like everywhere we turn there are new delicious mash-ups calling my name. The Cronut, A Sushi Burrito, Pizza Hut’s Hot Dog Bites Pizza, Cinnamon Bun Oreos, Taco Bell’s Quesarito, 7-Eleven’s Slurpee Donut – the list goes on and on. So why does this trend still have so much popularity, close to 4 years later?  

I’m curious to know how long the trend of food “mash ups” will continue in the food industry. I love the way it adds a new element to a relatively familiar items. So what’s next? Burger King just announced the launch of a Whopperito. Culinary Genius.