6 Affirmations for Transformation in the Unknown

I listened last night to Mel Robbins Instagram video post of her morning routine.  And after seeing it, I recognized the value of sharing mine too.  Often, I refrain from sharing because of one of the following reasons:

1. Feeling not good enough.  I ask myself questions like, “What do I have to share that others would want to know about?”  

2. Worry that others will criticize me - for some element of my thinking they disagree with.  I watch others who are sharing their feelings online and see how easy it is to get land blasted virtually. 

3. But more than anything, I think it’s shame – shame for feeling as if I “have” more than others.  I feel guilt when I think about how much I have been blessed with and often worry about being perceived as a “show off” so I lessen myself, minimize who I am.  I worry about jealousy of others. 

I see that clearly now - I have been frightened of other’s jealousy for much of my life.  Fear of being judged for being “too much”, “too over the top” so I reduce in order to be loved.

This COVID-19 has taught me that any fear, no matter how or where it creeps in, creates a “hiding place” for me to live in silence.  But I don’t want to hide anymore.  Because hiding brings me down.  As much as I want others to lift me up, to get me, I understand more now than ever, that I am the only one who has to approve of me. 

The more I approve of myself, the more I am willing to show up authentically, hoping that by sharing who I am, others might find a glimmer of hope.  I weigh the risk of hurt and criticism with the reward of vulnerability and being brave, and I can see that when I let go of my own fear, I can return to hope.  Now more than ever, I grasp for “hope moments” each day.

So, here’s hoping this story will instill a bit of hope. 

January this year, a friend of mine and I attended Rachel Hollis’ Rise Conference in Fort Myers, Florida.  That feels like a lifetime ago.  One of my biggest actionable take-aways was to use the “Start Today” journal she gave us in our goodie bags. The premise of the journal is to begin each day with writing 3 things:  

1. 5 Gratitude statements

2. 10 “Dreams”

3. 1 Goal to Focus on

Each page has the same format – repeat, repeat. When I returned on January 11, I began and haven’t missed a day (actually, I think I missed 1 day) since then.   It was an interesting exercise for me.  As a self-help junkie, I have been through numerous programs including Landmark, Tony Robbins, and countless others, but this was an interesting, repetitive way to create clarity, vision, and focus all at once. 

It reminded me of the Stephen Covey days where in my early 20’s, I used the “planner” to help me focus on goals.  Since then, I’ve used countless goal and planner systems, and haven’t found anything that worked quite as well as that.  But when I started this practice, an unexpected shift happened.

 Many of my goals were regarding work and dreams for my business, but the one goal closest to my heart, the one I chose to focus on was: 

• Migrate my daughter to a school where she will thrive holistically (socially, emotionally, academically, physically). 

What this process of gratitude, dreaming, then focusing did was allow me to bring from my subconscious to my conscious what I had been procrastinating on.  I knew in my heart it was time for her to move, and I guess I was waiting to “prove it” to myself.

After about a week of writing this, I finally stopped procrastinating and began taking action toward the large project before me of discovering, researching and exploring schools – which is quite a feat if you live in Dallas county. 

What I didn’t realize at the time is that it had been awhile since I had been clear about what I wanted to do for myself (rather than for others) and this process gave me the clarity I needed.

Suddenly, I got into Post-it creation land , created a large visual board so she could understand the concept of “discovering without deciding” and moved her from resistance to excitement about learning something new, unknown. 

What I realized as I went down this journey is that just a small action toward what you want when you have total clarity on what it is keeps you grounded and in your truth no matter what others say about or to you. 

A few patterns I discovered along the way and some affirmations I wrote to combat some old beliefs and to keep with me for the future:

1. Inner Strength in Resistance – I was shocked at how others resisted my desire for my child, wanting to insert their opinions about what they believed was best for me, and my child.  I learned that their opinion was just that, an opinion, and it didn’t have to be mine.  I discovered that if I give myself permission, I can trust myself instead of looking outside of me for validation.

   • Affirmation #1:  I am the expert and authority on me and my child.

2. Grace in Letting Go – On the other hand, I learned how much I want others to understand MY opinion about something this important to me.  I wanted others to go on my journey with me, hold my hand, see me, understand me, and I have had to let go of expecting anyone else to take my journey with me…and it’s damn hard to do that with grace.  Some days I did better than others.

   • Affirmation #2:  I am willing to let go of that which doesn’t serve me and focus on what does.

3. Synchronicity is For Real (replace synchronicity for God, or magic, or whatever your personal flavor of this is) – I like God Magic because that’s what it feels like to me but I soften it to synchronicity for those who may have issue with the use of 1) God 2)Magic or 3) Both being in the same phrase.  The events that began occurring due to my initial efforts were mind blowing, and way beyond my control, leading me down a path of discovering:

   • a Gifted & Talented diagnostician,

   • a learning diagnosis called Twice Exceptional ,

   • a lot about misdiagnosed ADHD from a book called The Mislabeled Child and other things such as vision processing disorder, auditory processing disorder and multisensory processing disorder.

   • There’s also something you can do to help: vision therapy

   • the perfect school for my daughter - EA Young

   • Affirmation #3:  I consistently show up and do my part – get clear and take a step - and trust the rest to God Magic.

4. All Boats Lift When the Tide Rises – interestingly enough, the focus on that one goal actually manifested into another dream on my “10 dreams list” with synchronicity.  My dream to one day own a home with enough space for a horse and “event barn” presented itself.  Upon locking on the school that was a perfect fit for her, I realized it would require a move and started taking small actions to find a real estate agent who knew the area.  This turned a dream (after years of many failed attempts) into a reality and is now being brought to life.

   • Affirmation #4: I focus on what’s most important to me right now and trust that all else will be done in right timing.

5. Not All Animals are the Same – I have spent much of my life perceiving all people to be “the same” – through my lens.   It’s probably like being in a zoo – if you’ve been caged with the same “kind” of animal for years, you don’t realize some animal species act quite different than others. As I decided to let go of some of the people I was trying to get approval from – those who struggled to lift me up as I grew (the crabs in my life), and willing to venture forth, it wasn’t long until I realized there ARE other zoo animals, ones I never knew existed.  I am getting to know the mighty elephants  in my life more deeply, and meeting more of them! The journey feels better amidst reciprocal relationships.

   • Affirmation #5: I am powerful and strong, and I support others who are willing to live in their power and strength.

6. More Goodies = More Growth – stepping into this process doesn’t mean my life is perfect, or worry-free.  It actually feels the opposite most days. Every day I commit to doing what feels way too hard, brave, terrifying, I get to meet new challenges and show up again, humbly nodding at the opportunity before me, forgiving the past, and hoping I can embrace the new mistakes I’ll make with grace.

   • Affirmation #6: I welcome new growth with grace and grit.

Now, we are close to closing on a new house in a new town, a new place, in a new school, during COVID-19 with people we are yet to know.  And I will continue to breathe, be grateful for, dream, step and pray through it all, sometimes with eyes closed and other times with eyes wide open.

I welcome getting the next perfect family in my current home.  While these are all new challenges I am working through, COVID-19 style, I have a renewed hope in this process.  Because I can see from my experience that when the tide rises, it’s a much better view - of surprising beauty, and yes pain. Even if I’m bleeding a little and have been knocked around some days, I prefer it to drifting.  Come play with me, lovelies.  Come rise with me, please.  It’s so much more fun to do this with others than alone.  You are not alone.

What do Teenagers and the QRCA Conference have in Common?

 I recently had the opportunity to attend my first Qualitative Researcher Consultants Association (QRCA) annual conference. I don’t typically consider myself the conference type but I thought this would be a great opportunity to meet people in our industry and learn about the hottest trends. In these situations I usually find myself being overly skeptical thinking I won’t learn as much as I hope to or make connections that will be beneficial to our business. The fact that my boss (April) was also attending made me feel slightly better about sitting in a room full of strangers that I would soon need to be friends with. 

The primary purpose of me attending the conference was to assist April as she gave a presentation to her peers; however, I ended up walking away feeling like I got much more value out of the experience than I expected. April’s presentation (A Framework That Works: Design Thinking + Montessori Principles to Elevate Your Practice) went off without a hitch – which immediately made months of hard work seem like one of the most rewarding tasks we completed last year. You never know how people will react to new material and the moment you see the excitement and passion in the faces, it makes it worth every revision we made.

What surprised me most about April’s presentation was how engaged the participants were. When you’ve been reviewing the content for 5+ months leading up to the conference, it’s easy to forget that this content is new for most viewers. During the presentation, she conducted a Design Thinking exercise that required participants to partner up and “build” a prototype of their idea. I was amazed at how serious some took this exercise but loved their willingness to engage with a stranger as they learned about the Design Thinking process. I think it made the awkward “eh, I have to work with someone I don’t know” situation fun and entertaining for most.  

Another highlight of the conference was the Keynote Presentation – Teen Press: A Wild and Precious Perspective – given by John Boettner & Friends. This was an unforgettable experience that brought a unique perspective to the work we do and the world we live in. John, the Chief Enchantment Officer of Teen Press, discussed how he turned a middle school communications class into a group of teenagers interviewing some of the hottest celebrities on red carpets. Not only did they engage with celebrities (Jennifer Lawrence, Oprah, Clint Eastwood to name a few) but they also interviewed some of the most interesting living Americans (for example, the commander of the Osama Bin Laden mission, a woman who held President Obama’s hand across the bridge in Selma, and a young Rwandan who lost his hands to genocide). 

Teen Press teaches kids how to listen to peoples’ stories and ask honest questions – although they’re sometimes difficult to ask and answer. By pushing the kids to conduct pre-interview research, they entered their interviews with a sense of confidence that many times shocked the respondent and made them more likely to engage. This program inspires kids to think: “if I can talk to the CEO of Patagonia, I can do anything”. John’s presentation was such a welcomed breath of fresh air in the world we’re currently living in. These kids don’t care who voted red or blue, they just want to know about people and what makes them different. The kids weren’t there to judge the interviewee, and the interviewee wasn’t there to judge the kids. They were both there to learn. These kids are so admirable for their dedication and openness to learning about others. Something I strive to do myself – in and out of research. Who knew you could learn so much from kids?

Here is a short clip on Teen Press, but if you have some extra time I highly recommend watching the full Teen Press video (~30 minutes) to get the full experience of how great these kids and this program is. 

So while I still don’t consider myself the conference type, I’m so glad I attended. I walked away with a perspective I wasn’t expecting – if you go into these “uncomfortable” situations with an open mind, you are much more likely to learn more than you initially thought and meet some really interesting people. I guess sitting with strangers isn’t so bad after all.