I Have Enough Toilet Paper but I Forgot to Breathe

It’s 3.14.20 and all spring break travel plans are successfully cancelled.

Ok, then breathe, I tell myself. 

Then the fear voice inside my head speaks again: “yes I have everything - tp, water, sick meds, fresh and frozen veggies, fresh and frozen meat. Fresh and frozen fruit. Lots of shelf stable snacks and let’s see what else do I need. Sick meds, essential oils.

Oh shit I accidentally ordered paper towels, not tp.  Back to square one ....”

The “other” voice: “Breathe again, April - this nesting thing you’re doing is going a little overboard. It’s seriously worse than the last week before you gave birth. Can you calm down?” Fear voice back at me: “But what if it’s not overboard, what if I haven’t done enough to prepare?”

This is the voice of the world - my Facebook feed, news feed, neighbors, friends, everyone I talk to.

But I hear it again – “Breathe again. It’s going to be ok.”

“Yeah keep telling yourself that” fear speaks again.  "You know it’s a national emergency right and Italians are having to open their windows to sing and connect with each other. We don’t do that here!!!!" 

“What are you going to do?” it speaks. “Stuck in the house with your high energy child, trying to work, while simultaneously attending to her needs, and keep everything afloat. Finances, bills, work, how is it all going to work. How???” Its voice growing louder.

“Breathe.  Stay present.”

 Ok – I can see now that 2 big breaths is better than one.

 Then a sudden thought, one that moves me out of fear and into curiosity?  

What is it like to be working on the front lines? To be a doctor or nurse or someone in the healthcare system who is actually making decisions and trying to help others while the rest of us are trying to make sure we can go to the bathroom in the cleanest manner for the next 7 years.  

Another thought - what is it like to be my clients working for large companies whose stock is going down daily and perhaps unclear of what will happen next? 

 What is it like to be an athlete, performer, event coordinator, participant who have paid large sums of money to attend an event, child who was attending the Houston stock show to show an animal, actor performing for months for a Broadway show - now cancelled. 

I want to know. I shift my thinking to move out of my fear and learn, begin understanding what it’s like for everyone else out there.  

 I want to understand it from the space of creation, not from the slant of despair I often feel after watching the news.  This is the space where I thrive.  

Because I know that I can move out of my own fear by understanding another’s reality.  Empathetic listening creates relativity, which simultaneously allows me to feel my own humanity at a deeper level and could shift me from fear.

That typically works for me but will it work here? Maybe? 

 I don’t know the answer or how this should work but I do know this. I know what happens when we are willing to let go of fear at the same time we grasp onto curiosity – new possibilities happen. 

I will do something to move me from fear to curiosity.  I want to have a real conversation with those affected or infected (even if it’s only with fear or a low supply of toilet paper). I only want to hear stories that will impact others.

I will sponsor my own research study and pay incentives for 1-hour “empathy interviews.”  My goal for the research is to understand the specific impact of social distancing to everyday families, including the closures of restaurants, events, etc. etc. 

• I’m calling it Combatting COIVD-19 via Empathy Co-Creation.

• If you’re interested in participating in a 1-hour webcam interview with me about your experience, please click here.

• I am also opening a private Facebook page for those who are interested in: Combatting COIVD-19 via Empathy Co-Creation.

Why? Because…

1. I believe that when we can see outside of ourselves:

   1. Fear disappears

   2. Curiosity leads to creativity

   3. It could help create an idea in someone else’s mind who can actually do something to help

   4. That idea could lead to a creative way to change the world

2. I believe when we hear each other’s stories, we can connect again, even if it’s virtual.

3. I believe we create new possibilities using our creative minds rather than our fear based minds.

4. I believe amongst the many tragedies this virus has caused - one of the greatest is the level of separation we now need to have, and I will be a catalyst for deeper connections

5. I believe when we can find new ways to connect, we can regain hope and faith in the human spirit

6. I believe our soul’s awakening is just around the corner of a big fat virus.  

I believe when we do this, we will stop hoarding toilet paper, and start sharing it, little by little, tissue by tissue, to those who need it most (and if we don’t, I might be one of those needing it!).

See my recent update here - How to stay sane by shifting to curiosity.

What To Do With an Idea Called Made With Empathy

A few years ago, I started having the urge to grow my business. At the time, I wasn’t sure exactly what that would look like but it seemed important to me at the time.  Now I know that the growth I was looking for was within me, not outside of me.

These are the beliefs that were the foundation for my desire to grow:

• Without growth, one becomes stagnant

• It would give my life more purpose, meaning

• I would feel more accomplished

• It would give me more freedom

• I was feeling burnt out

So, I started working on a growth Idea to offer educational tools to teach what we do for large corporations. At one point, I thought I would teach other small business owners to conduct their own marketing research, then the Idea evolved to teaching corporate leaders tools to help them collaborate better when co-creating. 

For the last 3 years, I did what I guess one does when they have an Idea, at least according to this book:  What Do You Do With an Idea?  I have been looking at my own navel: wondering about it, dreaming about it, thinking about it, researching it, dabbling in it, telling myself it’s dumb, and then finally, I put it on a shelf.

To be fair to myself, I tried a few things: I went through a strategy process, I drafted an entire online course, created a Mastermind group, tested my idea once, then another time, and it has done a lot of shape shifting in the process.

And through this naval-gazing phase of the process, a name was created for the Idea, and then a trademark application requested. And, as luck would have it, just a few weeks ago I received a letter that it has officially been trademarked.  Thus, a brand name for the Idea on the shelf was established: Made With Empathy™.  Now, I must take it off the shelf, dust it off, and see what happens.

I have been thinking about what holds me back, and it is fear.  I wish fear didn’t hold me back.  I’m fearful of it being a flop, that it won’t be meaningful to others, and that it’s just a stupid Idea, not really what others want or need.  

I’m also fearful of getting laughed at, criticized, rejected. That it will impact the work I already enjoy doing.  I don’t want to change what I love about my work, I just want to “enhance it”, make it shiny and loved…by me.  So, that’s the fight within myself – giving myself permission to do something important for me while wanting it to also have a positive, helpful impact to others. 

I wish it was easier for me to launch a new Idea into the world.  I see (and help others) do it for a living (link back to April bell research group services).  It’s so ironic because I help corporations do what is the hardest thing for me to do – launch their ideas into the world in a way that creates a massive impact – by marrying their Idea with the Needs of others.  After going through my own mental battle to “launch something”, I am even more impressed and in awe with all of the brands, companies and people who bring new products and services to life.

This Idea of Making things with Empathy hit my core because I witness on a consistent basis how ideas can take on form and literally get created out of nothing more than a brainstorm or ideation session.  When a team comes together to collaborate, to get clear on their objectives as a team, set aside their own personal opinions, and begin listening to each other, and those they are trying to create for, magic happens.  It happens almost every time, when teams (and the people within those teams) show up, get present, get out of their own heads, create space to focus, and are willing to resiliently pursue next steps when the idea doesn’t work the 1st time, or the 2nd, or the 3rd.  It’s really incredible.

I get to see great, brilliant people create amazing products and services – and they do it by using a lot of Empathy.  And I get hired to be “the Empathizer” – I get to build a bridge between consumer and creator, between creators.  I get to create space for magic to happen. 

Ironically, I’ve learned a lot about Empathy this last year.  Before then, I didn’t think I had a lot to learn.  If you’ve taken the StrengthFinder test, you may be familiar that Empathy is one of the 34 strengths.  Empathy is my #2 strength, which means I can intuitively and immediately feel and care about other’s feelings.  And my #1 strength is WOO (Winning Others Over) which means I love meeting and getting to know people, as many people as possible.  Perfect for the job I do.

But it doesn’t leave someone with those 2 strengths a lot of room for their own emotions.  I am currently reading a fascinating book by Richard Davidson, The Emotional Life of Your Brain.  In it, he has created an Emotional Style based on 6 dimensions - one of them is Self-Awareness.  I have realized how “Self-Opaque” I am – which means I have been mostly unaware of what I’m feeling most of my life.

What I’m learning is that even though it’s one of my strengths according to StrengthFinder, my ability to Empathize is actually limited due to the lack of it I have for myself.  

When one is able to empathize with their own feelings AND with the feelings of others, it creates clarity, and intentional, purposeful action.

Empathy with myself gives me clarity, and with clarity I can see the next action.  

It tells me when...

1. I need to stand strong because it’s my truth and I can’t be swayed

2. To find grace to be present with someone else’s experience without taking it on as my own

Empathy - with BOTH self and others - is the key to co-creating and bringing new things to reality. 

So, that’s where this idea originated.  I have conducted over 10,000 hours of focus groups, interviews, co-creation sessions using Empathy, and now I am wondering:  "Why can’t these tools be shifted and used outside the focus group setting to design a more meaningful life with each other?” 

So now my why for growth is different – it’s more meaningful.  I have a vision of creating deeper connections, greater collaborations, and ultimately more joy and meaning in the world.

That’s why I want to create tools, a useful system or process….but I need your help. 

I’m not going to do any more navel gazing. I want to know what’s wanted (what the bigger need or desire is) because if I can understand that, I can customize Made With Empathy ™ so that it’s helping achieve what is most wanted.

If you’re interested, please answer these few questions about what would make Made With Empathy™ tools most meaningful to you - Click here.  

Let’s see where this Idea takes us…