6 Affirmations for Transformation in the Unknown

I listened last night to Mel Robbins Instagram video post of her morning routine.  And after seeing it, I recognized the value of sharing mine too.  Often, I refrain from sharing because of one of the following reasons:

1. Feeling not good enough.  I ask myself questions like, “What do I have to share that others would want to know about?”  

2. Worry that others will criticize me - for some element of my thinking they disagree with.  I watch others who are sharing their feelings online and see how easy it is to get land blasted virtually. 

3. But more than anything, I think it’s shame – shame for feeling as if I “have” more than others.  I feel guilt when I think about how much I have been blessed with and often worry about being perceived as a “show off” so I lessen myself, minimize who I am.  I worry about jealousy of others. 

I see that clearly now - I have been frightened of other’s jealousy for much of my life.  Fear of being judged for being “too much”, “too over the top” so I reduce in order to be loved.

This COVID-19 has taught me that any fear, no matter how or where it creeps in, creates a “hiding place” for me to live in silence.  But I don’t want to hide anymore.  Because hiding brings me down.  As much as I want others to lift me up, to get me, I understand more now than ever, that I am the only one who has to approve of me. 

The more I approve of myself, the more I am willing to show up authentically, hoping that by sharing who I am, others might find a glimmer of hope.  I weigh the risk of hurt and criticism with the reward of vulnerability and being brave, and I can see that when I let go of my own fear, I can return to hope.  Now more than ever, I grasp for “hope moments” each day.

So, here’s hoping this story will instill a bit of hope. 

January this year, a friend of mine and I attended Rachel Hollis’ Rise Conference in Fort Myers, Florida.  That feels like a lifetime ago.  One of my biggest actionable take-aways was to use the “Start Today” journal she gave us in our goodie bags. The premise of the journal is to begin each day with writing 3 things:  

1. 5 Gratitude statements

2. 10 “Dreams”

3. 1 Goal to Focus on

Each page has the same format – repeat, repeat. When I returned on January 11, I began and haven’t missed a day (actually, I think I missed 1 day) since then.   It was an interesting exercise for me.  As a self-help junkie, I have been through numerous programs including Landmark, Tony Robbins, and countless others, but this was an interesting, repetitive way to create clarity, vision, and focus all at once. 

It reminded me of the Stephen Covey days where in my early 20’s, I used the “planner” to help me focus on goals.  Since then, I’ve used countless goal and planner systems, and haven’t found anything that worked quite as well as that.  But when I started this practice, an unexpected shift happened.

 Many of my goals were regarding work and dreams for my business, but the one goal closest to my heart, the one I chose to focus on was: 

• Migrate my daughter to a school where she will thrive holistically (socially, emotionally, academically, physically). 

What this process of gratitude, dreaming, then focusing did was allow me to bring from my subconscious to my conscious what I had been procrastinating on.  I knew in my heart it was time for her to move, and I guess I was waiting to “prove it” to myself.

After about a week of writing this, I finally stopped procrastinating and began taking action toward the large project before me of discovering, researching and exploring schools – which is quite a feat if you live in Dallas county. 

What I didn’t realize at the time is that it had been awhile since I had been clear about what I wanted to do for myself (rather than for others) and this process gave me the clarity I needed.

Suddenly, I got into Post-it creation land , created a large visual board so she could understand the concept of “discovering without deciding” and moved her from resistance to excitement about learning something new, unknown. 

What I realized as I went down this journey is that just a small action toward what you want when you have total clarity on what it is keeps you grounded and in your truth no matter what others say about or to you. 

A few patterns I discovered along the way and some affirmations I wrote to combat some old beliefs and to keep with me for the future:

1. Inner Strength in Resistance – I was shocked at how others resisted my desire for my child, wanting to insert their opinions about what they believed was best for me, and my child.  I learned that their opinion was just that, an opinion, and it didn’t have to be mine.  I discovered that if I give myself permission, I can trust myself instead of looking outside of me for validation.

   • Affirmation #1:  I am the expert and authority on me and my child.

2. Grace in Letting Go – On the other hand, I learned how much I want others to understand MY opinion about something this important to me.  I wanted others to go on my journey with me, hold my hand, see me, understand me, and I have had to let go of expecting anyone else to take my journey with me…and it’s damn hard to do that with grace.  Some days I did better than others.

   • Affirmation #2:  I am willing to let go of that which doesn’t serve me and focus on what does.

3. Synchronicity is For Real (replace synchronicity for God, or magic, or whatever your personal flavor of this is) – I like God Magic because that’s what it feels like to me but I soften it to synchronicity for those who may have issue with the use of 1) God 2)Magic or 3) Both being in the same phrase.  The events that began occurring due to my initial efforts were mind blowing, and way beyond my control, leading me down a path of discovering:

   • a Gifted & Talented diagnostician,

   • a learning diagnosis called Twice Exceptional ,

   • a lot about misdiagnosed ADHD from a book called The Mislabeled Child and other things such as vision processing disorder, auditory processing disorder and multisensory processing disorder.

   • There’s also something you can do to help: vision therapy

   • the perfect school for my daughter - EA Young

   • Affirmation #3:  I consistently show up and do my part – get clear and take a step - and trust the rest to God Magic.

4. All Boats Lift When the Tide Rises – interestingly enough, the focus on that one goal actually manifested into another dream on my “10 dreams list” with synchronicity.  My dream to one day own a home with enough space for a horse and “event barn” presented itself.  Upon locking on the school that was a perfect fit for her, I realized it would require a move and started taking small actions to find a real estate agent who knew the area.  This turned a dream (after years of many failed attempts) into a reality and is now being brought to life.

   • Affirmation #4: I focus on what’s most important to me right now and trust that all else will be done in right timing.

5. Not All Animals are the Same – I have spent much of my life perceiving all people to be “the same” – through my lens.   It’s probably like being in a zoo – if you’ve been caged with the same “kind” of animal for years, you don’t realize some animal species act quite different than others. As I decided to let go of some of the people I was trying to get approval from – those who struggled to lift me up as I grew (the crabs in my life), and willing to venture forth, it wasn’t long until I realized there ARE other zoo animals, ones I never knew existed.  I am getting to know the mighty elephants  in my life more deeply, and meeting more of them! The journey feels better amidst reciprocal relationships.

   • Affirmation #5: I am powerful and strong, and I support others who are willing to live in their power and strength.

6. More Goodies = More Growth – stepping into this process doesn’t mean my life is perfect, or worry-free.  It actually feels the opposite most days. Every day I commit to doing what feels way too hard, brave, terrifying, I get to meet new challenges and show up again, humbly nodding at the opportunity before me, forgiving the past, and hoping I can embrace the new mistakes I’ll make with grace.

   • Affirmation #6: I welcome new growth with grace and grit.

Now, we are close to closing on a new house in a new town, a new place, in a new school, during COVID-19 with people we are yet to know.  And I will continue to breathe, be grateful for, dream, step and pray through it all, sometimes with eyes closed and other times with eyes wide open.

I welcome getting the next perfect family in my current home.  While these are all new challenges I am working through, COVID-19 style, I have a renewed hope in this process.  Because I can see from my experience that when the tide rises, it’s a much better view - of surprising beauty, and yes pain. Even if I’m bleeding a little and have been knocked around some days, I prefer it to drifting.  Come play with me, lovelies.  Come rise with me, please.  It’s so much more fun to do this with others than alone.  You are not alone.

Do You Need a Data Scientist?

Data Science is all the rage. Career interest has surged, programs are offered at more and more universities, and every company is talking about needing it. But do you? How do you know, and when would you hire one? These are questions that get glossed over in the race to be smarter.

Data Science is a powerful tool  - it can unlock understanding in data, which leads to new insights no one considered. However, often the most practical insights arrive as a result of Data Mining and posing the right questions.

At the latest MSMR conference at UT Arlington, the keynote presentation “Behind the Corporate Curtain” by Simon Chadwick talked about where corporate research spending was headed in the next five years. The top two items of incremental focus, above CX and Digital, was Data Analytics and Data Mining, plus integrating multiple data streams.

First, let me break down what is meant by these three “Data” terms we’ve mentioned – Analytics, Mining, and Science:

1. Data Analytics – working with the business to describe, predict and improve business performance through data. Broad subject that includes many tools and techniques.
2. Data Mining – examining large data sets to generate new information or insights. A tool of analytics used to dig in, clean up, and see what nuggets there are in the data.
3. Data Science – applying statistical methods to data to generate new information or insights. A tool of analytics used to apply a specific technique to generate a specific result.

Remember that finding that got Target all the press a few years back, where they could predict when a girl was pregnant before her father knew? That was heralded as a slick data science discovery, but it wasn’t, it was just good ‘ole fashioned data mining. Finding that right pebble on the beach.

Target had conducted a study to understand what major life events force a break in normal shopping routines, opportunities to capture new customers. One of the more interesting ones was getting pregnant. Around the same time, they were pulling all their shopper and sales data into one spot to allow them to track purchases by customer.

Then, someone asked the following: “what products does someone, who we eventually realize is pregnant, purchase in the early stages of pregnancy?” If Target could get them in the door early, they would likely stick with the store for all their later needs. After just identifying those customers and walking backwards through their shopping data to look for patterns, the answer was not baby gear, it was  unscented lotions.

A client that I was working with told me recently, “I can bring in a statistician, but I think I’d also have to hire someone to accompany them to talk to the business user. They know the mechanics, but wouldn’t be able have a meaningful segmentation discussion.” These are wise words from a leader who is trying to bring advanced capability to an organization. A more inexperienced leader would hire a small army of statisticians and hope the “build it and they will come” strategy pays off. It typically doesn’t.

Capital One is a company that jumps to mind often as a leader in data science. They employ an army of statisticians, and consider how they analyze data to be a completive advantage. There is a famous Harvard Business School case study on them that explains this, but also more importantly, describes a business process that they followed early on, which allowed them to gain share quickly before their competition could react: testing and innovation. 

They were relentless in conducting market testing for different offers and products, targeted to groups of people that they thought might respond.  Yes, there was data science behind the segmentation and prediction that helped shape the hypothesis, but the sheer volume of testing, measuring and validating was what set them apart. They were throwing a hundred pieces of spaghetti on the wall and seeing which 5 would stick, then aggressively going after those ideas before their competition could react. They used data science as a methodology, but their business model described in that moment of their history was to outsprint, not outsmart.

The statistical analysis of Data Science is a powerful tool, and well deserves its place in the toolbox of any company doing advanced analytics. But advanced comes after intermediate, and when an intermediate company tries to follow a “me-too” advanced strategy, it is ignoring the value of what intermediate data mining can bring. All too often this wastes valuable time for a company, trying to be something they aren’t…yet. Data science is part of a mature progression of data capability, formed from having as a clear sense of how it can successfully integrate into a business process before the first study is conducted.