Blog — April Bell Research Group

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made with empathy

How to Stay Sane by Returning to Curiosity

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How to Stay Sane by Returning to Curiosity

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Late last week, I wrote about my first wave of anxiety when COIVD-9 shifted our spring break plans, and life as I knew it began to change.

Only a few days later, it has changed in ways I wasn’t really expecting.  Yes, I think I have enough toilet paper now but I’m recognizing my new reality - the seemingly impossible task of juggling the work I have to do with the fear of not having work to do.

All the while being mindful of my child’s many needs, whether it be something to keep her active, learning, socially isolated, oh and food.  Yes, I must ensure she has food to eat.  And I’m doing it feeling more and more alone.  The reality of us all doing our part of social distancing to help flatten the curve is upon us.

But as I watch from afar my clients, friends, family and neighbors all trying to make sense of their world, too, I realize I’m not alone.  We are all on our individual journey to “nest” and create a new safe environment that includes getting our basic “physiological” needs (health, money, food, etc.) stabilized. Based on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs this is foundational to everything else.

So, as I strive to climb up Maslow’s Hierarchy to the next level - “safety”, I recognize the hack I use in my research is to stay curious.

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And as I strive to climb on up the ladder yet again to Love & Belonging needs, I recognize my desire to connect. So that I don’t feel so alone.  I want to connect in a way that feels real and authentic, albeit virtual.

In addition to sponsoring a study by conducting Empathy Interviews (click here if you’re interested in getting paid for an hour webcam interview on how COIVD-19 is impacting you), we are also starting a private Facebook group for those who are interested in: Combatting COIVD-19 via Empathy Co-Creation

Why?

  1. Because we need a judgment-free zone to express how we’re feeling, and what we need.

  2. Because everything new in the market in mass began with understanding emotional needs. 

  3. Because when we come together and co-create for greater good, we all win. 

  4. Because the time is now for companies to listen carefully to what people need and create. 

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In this group, we will have a larger conversation led by me to understand your biggest frustrations, worries, fears, shifts in behaviors.  We want to understand the biggest problems to solve - right now – in light of our environment.

This is an exclusive group – people who are committed to creating possibility from need.

Before you click to join , let me tell you more about how this group will be managed and who we want in the group.  The objective is to create a sense of freedom so that members can fully express.

This is how we do “focus groups” – in person or virtual - that are Made With Empathy:

  1. We “listen” to each other’s vulnerability, not to solve it, but to experience it.

  2. We ask questions to understand, not to teach or educate.

  3. We collaborate by acknowledging what others are saying. 

  4. We express frustrations (not complaints) with statements that begin with “I wish for” or “I wish that…"

  5. We build on what people say with sentences that begin with “Yes and…"

  6. We observe what is needed with curiosity and move to thinking about “What if…"

  7. We believe that most people are doing the best they can and are on their own journey, even if it looks different than our own.

  8. We stay out of judgment and step back into curiosity.

If this is of interest to you, your voice needs to be heard, and trust me, companies are listening.  They have no choice but to listen. 

After 15 + years of conducting this kind of research for large companies, I am ready to facilitate a broader connection between companies who are hungry to know how to shift in this crisis, and a large community of consumers who need new things.

So that we can rise up out of the virus ashes together, in community, into a world that makes more sense.  And selfishly, I want to stay sane… and this is my way of keeping my sanity. 

 

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I Have Enough Toilet Paper but I Forgot to Breathe

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I Have Enough Toilet Paper but I Forgot to Breathe

It’s 3.14.20 and all spring break travel plans are successfully cancelled.

Ok, then breathe, I tell myself. 

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Then the fear voice inside my head speaks again: “yes I have everything - tp, water, sick meds, fresh and frozen veggies, fresh and frozen meat. Fresh and frozen fruit. Lots of shelf stable snacks and let’s see what else do I need. Sick meds, essential oils.

Oh shit I accidentally ordered paper towels, not tp.  Back to square one ....”

The “other” voice: “Breathe again, April - this nesting thing you’re doing is going a little overboard. It’s seriously worse than the last week before you gave birth. Can you calm down?” Fear voice back at me: “But what if it’s not overboard, what if I haven’t done enough to prepare?”

This is the voice of the world - my Facebook feed, news feed, neighbors, friends, everyone I talk to.

But I hear it again – “Breathe again. It’s going to be ok.”

“Yeah keep telling yourself that” fear speaks again.  "You know it’s a national emergency right and Italians are having to open their windows to sing and connect with each other. We don’t do that here!!!!" 

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“What are you going to do?” it speaks. “Stuck in the house with your high energy child, trying to work, while simultaneously attending to her needs, and keep everything afloat. Finances, bills, work, how is it all going to work. How???” Its voice growing louder.

“Breathe.  Stay present.”

 Ok – I can see now that 2 big breaths is better than one.

 Then a sudden thought, one that moves me out of fear and into curiosity?  

What is it like to be working on the front lines? To be a doctor or nurse or someone in the healthcare system who is actually making decisions and trying to help others while the rest of us are trying to make sure we can go to the bathroom in the cleanest manner for the next 7 years.  

Another thought - what is it like to be my clients working for large companies whose stock is going down daily and perhaps unclear of what will happen next? 

 What is it like to be an athlete, performer, event coordinator, participant who have paid large sums of money to attend an event, child who was attending the Houston stock show to show an animal, actor performing for months for a Broadway show - now cancelled. 

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I want to know. I shift my thinking to move out of my fear and learn, begin understanding what it’s like for everyone else out there.  

 I want to understand it from the space of creation, not from the slant of despair I often feel after watching the news.  This is the space where I thrive.  

Because I know that I can move out of my own fear by understanding another’s reality.  Empathetic listening creates relativity, which simultaneously allows me to feel my own humanity at a deeper level and could shift me from fear.

That typically works for me but will it work here? Maybe? 

 I don’t know the answer or how this should work but I do know this. I know what happens when we are willing to let go of fear at the same time we grasp onto curiosity – new possibilities happen. 

I will do something to move me from fear to curiosity.  I want to have a real conversation with those affected or infected (even if it’s only with fear or a low supply of toilet paper). I only want to hear stories that will impact others.

I will sponsor my own research study and pay incentives for 1-hour “empathy interviews.”  My goal for the research is to understand the specific impact of social distancing to everyday families, including the closures of restaurants, events, etc. etc. 

  • I’m calling it Combatting COIVD-19 via Empathy Co-Creation.

  • If you’re interested in participating in a 1-hour webcam interview with me about your experience, please click here.

  • I am also opening a private Facebook page for those who are interested in: Combatting COIVD-19 via Empathy Co-Creation.

Why? Because…

  1. I believe that when we can see outside of ourselves:

    1. Fear disappears

    2. Curiosity leads to creativity

    3. It could help create an idea in someone else’s mind who can actually do something to help

    4. That idea could lead to a creative way to change the world

  2. I believe when we hear each other’s stories, we can connect again, even if it’s virtual.

  3. I believe we create new possibilities using our creative minds rather than our fear based minds.

  4. I believe amongst the many tragedies this virus has caused - one of the greatest is the level of separation we now need to have, and I will be a catalyst for deeper connections

  5. I believe when we can find new ways to connect, we can regain hope and faith in the human spirit

  6. I believe our soul’s awakening is just around the corner of a big fat virus.  

I believe when we do this, we will stop hoarding toilet paper, and start sharing it, little by little, tissue by tissue, to those who need it most (and if we don’t, I might be one of those needing it!).

See my recent update here - How to stay sane by shifting to curiosity.

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Of Grace, Grit, Gratitude and the Gift of Giving

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Of Grace, Grit, Gratitude and the Gift of Giving

As the holiday whirlwind ensues, I find myself contemplating all that 2019 has brought, and taught me. I am coming off of a year I never thought I would have.  

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I never envisioned this last year’s events, and trust me, I’ve done a lot of visioning in the past. Now, I look back and reflect. They say your greatest pain can become your greatest gift. So, maybe that reoccurring thought has led me to the place where I am now. A place of questioning -

What is the gift:

  1. What did I learn that I want to hold onto next year?

  2. What am I going to let go of that no longer serves me?

Here’s my biggest takeaway: “Most everyone’s doing the best they can, including me.”  That one learning alone is a gift. A gift of acceptance.  

Acceptance opens my eyes to new choices, new possibilities, new ways of thinking, of being.

  1. Acceptance Gives me Grace. - grace for myself and for those who have caused me pain. I have learned this year a prayer that has kept me sane (some days). It somehow softens me. In Hawaii, they call it the Ho'oponopono Prayer. I call it the prayer of acceptance because it is one tool I have used to help me install grace into the software of my brain.

  2. Acceptance Gives me Grit. - to get back up, again. and again, and again….and again. To move forward. As Angela Duckworth puts it in GRIT - “….grit grows as we figure out our life philosophy, learn to dust ourselves off after rejection and disappointment.” Yes, I can see that acceptance makes way to resolve (“grit”) for what is important to me - growing stronger than anything else.

  3. Acceptance Gives me Gratitude. I have become painfully aware of my power to choose. The most powerful choice, I have decided, is whether to choose suffering or choose gratitude. I’ve been amazed at how often God has shown up in the deepest, darkest places to shed a bit of light. Whether it’s small miracles that are more than a coincidence, an unexpected kind gesture or just eye-opening awe, I have found God in a magical way this year, and the more I am grateful, the more of God I see.

  4. Acceptance fuels my Passion to Give. - through the lens of a full cup, my heart has become open to seeing the greater pain outside of me. By getting through to the other side of what seemed like an impossible hill to climb - gaining stability through a divorce, removing chaos, buying and moving to a new home, untangling all of my affairs, including my business, and most importantly, finding creative ways to carry my daughter through it where I can still see her smile, snuggle and connect, I see there is a gift to give.

So, that is the question “what gift can I give?” in this new learning of “most everyone is just doing the best they can?”  

 My gift is greater empathy - I now have a deep compassion for other single moms who are less fortunate than me.  I now know how difficult it is to go through a divorce - even if it is not what you wanted or planned for.  It is systemically difficult for women to find hope - to stand on their own feet on the other side of divorce.  Culturally, legally, religiously, we have systems that are built on families staying together.  

 I want to be a part of giving hope for those who find themselves in crisis, that they too can get to the other side and stabilize.  I want to help women who need it to rise up with their children on the other side of a broken marriage - to give them hope and a newfound love - love of self.

So, as divine power would have it, we are hosting our first-ever give back gathering - it will be held on December 19, 2019 from 2:30-5:30 at Her HQ (a new event space for women) in Bishop Arts District in Dallas.

We are partnering with Interfaith Housing Coalition whose mission is to empower families in crisis to break the cycle of poverty.  We will be assembling self-care gifts for 50 moms at the gathering.  It will be a gathering of elves to promote hope and “self-care”- because moms who take care of themselves can take better care of others.  Interfaith will take the gifts and deliver them to these moms on or before December 25th!

We have been so blessed with generous donations and sponsors -Jergens, Chili’s, Ban, John Frieda, Curél, Bioré, 2nd Kind, Fieldwork, and Fears Nachawati Law Firm.  

We still have a few remaining items on our wish list if you would like to donate, the link to Amazon Wish List is here.  

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